i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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