with your own penis?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
