I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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