There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
