I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize