she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
