Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
