i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
