i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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