he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
