i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize