Dual....:-)
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize