Apparently you make a good broom.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize