my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Randomize
