butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You're so nebulous sometimes
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
