wakey wakey hands off snakey
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
