i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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