i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
