capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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