dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
