Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
