I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
