if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
