Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
