Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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