it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
