Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
