he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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