don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
