September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
