my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
