The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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