why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
