I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
