So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Ladies don't puke and tell
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
