I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
