Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize