separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
