If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
