I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
