Acid is not a monday night drug
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
