So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
