Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
