He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
