so explain again why im purple
no
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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