Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
