How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
