I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
why is half of my head shaved?
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