Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
