Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
