Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
