just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
