My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
