i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
