did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
