my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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