come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
