I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
