did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
