Tell her she can't have a vagina
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
