time to smoke my breakfast
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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