You're my little dorito
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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