We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
