bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
