you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
