Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
