I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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