dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
