your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
