You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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