Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Boobs are out for the taking
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
