Kiss
Puke
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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