Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
