She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
