God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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