So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
