whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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