i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
