worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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