i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
