her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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