We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
