There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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