Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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