I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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