You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
