I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
This is the high leading the old right now
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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