The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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