So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
