brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
