I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
