If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
