Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
