I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
