shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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