is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize