I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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