DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
