i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
