I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize