You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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