I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
