'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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