I will die if light touches me.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
