Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize