Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
