You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
