: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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