at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
