A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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